[senco-forum] 2 mid-week funnies

exam results (GCSE's). These are genuine responses!! (From 16 year olds),

Thankyou!  The exam 'howlers' had me howling...

Maggie

Janet Barlow <janet.barlow at talk21.com> wrote: Dear all,
             2 funnies to break up the week...

  The following questions and answers were collected from last year's Junior 
>exam results (GCSE's). These are genuine responses!! (From 16 year olds), 
>AND THEY WONDER WHY THERE ARE SCREW UPS IN INDUSTRY.
>
>Geography
> Q: Name the four seasons.
> A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
>
> Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made 
>safe to drink.
> A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes 
>large pollutant like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
>
> Q: How is dew formed?
> A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them 
>perspire.
>
> Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
> A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All 
>water tends to flow towards the moon,
>
> because there is no water on the moon, and the world 
>abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun
>
> joins in this fight.
>
> Sociology
>
>
> Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
> A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well 
>endowed.
>
> Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
> A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an 
>election.
>
> Q: What are steroids?
> A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
>
>
> Biology
>
> Q: What happens to your body as you age?
> A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get 
>intercontinental.
>
> Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
> A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his 
>adultery.
>
> Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
> A: Premature death.
>
> Q: What is artificial insemination?
> A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.
>
> Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
> A: Keep it in the cow. [He got an A]
>
> Q: How are the main parts of the body categorised? (e.g. 
>abdomen)
>
> A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, 
>the borax the abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain. The borax 
>contains the heart, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, 
>A,E,I,O and U.
>
> Q: What is the Fibula?
> A: A small lie.
>
> Q: What does "varicose" mean?
> A: Nearby.
>
> Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
> A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a 
>condominium.
>
> Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section."
> A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome.
>
> Q: What is a seizure?
> A: A Roman emperor.
>
> Q: What is a terminal illness?
> A: When you are sick at the airport
>
> Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic 
>feature?
> A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look 
>like umbrellas.
>
> English
>
> Q: Use the word "judicious" in a sentence to show you 
>understand its meaning.
> A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.
>
> Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
> A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
>
>
> Technology
> Q: What is a turbine?
> A: Something an Arab or Sheik wears on his head
>
******************************************************************
>
>There were two nuns...One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), 
>and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL). It is getting dark and 
>they are still far away from the convent.
>
>SM : Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past 
>thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.
>
>SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.
>
>SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What 
>can we do?
>
>SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.
>
>SM: It's not working.
>
>SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He 
>started to walk faster, too.
>
>SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.
>
>SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go 
>this way. He cannot follow us both.
>
>So the man decided to follow Sister Logical. Sister Mathematical arrives at 
>the convent and is worried about what has
>happened to Sister Logical. Then Sister Logical arrives.
>
>SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!
>
>SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both,so he 
>followed me.
>
>SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?
>
>SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could 
>and he started to run as fast as he could.
>
>SM: And?
>
>SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.
>
>SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?
>
>SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.
>
>SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?
>
>SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.
>
>SM: Oh, no! What happened then?
>
>SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than 
>man with his pants down.
>
>And for those of you who thought it would be dirty, say two Hail Marys!

  best wishes,
  Janet

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