[senco-forum] 'Twas the Night Before Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck... 
How to live in a world that's politically correct? 
His workers no longer would answer to "Elves" 
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves 
And labour conditions at the north pole 
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul 

Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety 
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society 
And equal employment had made it quite clear 
That Santa had better not use just reindeer 
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid 
Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid! 

The runners had been removed from his sleigh; 
Because Health & Safety made rules for each day
And people had started to call for the cops 
When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops 
Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened 
His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened" 

And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows 
Rudolf was suing over unauthorised use of his nose 
And had gone on with Parky, in front of the nation 
Demanding millions in over-due compensation 

So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife 
Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life 
Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz 
Demanding from now on her title was Ms 

And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion 
That making a choice could cause so much commotion 
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur 
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her 
Nothing that might be construed to pollute 
Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot 
Nothing that clamoured or made lots of noise 
Nothing for just girls. Or just for boys 
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific 
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific 

No candy or sweets ... they were bad for the tooth 
Nothing that seemed to embellish the truth 
And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden 
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden 
For they raised the hackles of those psychological 
Who claimed the only good gift was ecological 

No baseball, no football ... someone could get hurt; 
Besides; playing sports exposed kids to dirt 
Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe; 
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away 

So Santa just stood there, dishevelled, perplexed; 
He just could not figure out what to do next 
He tried to be merry, tried to be gay 
But you've got to be careful with that word today 
His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground; 
Nothing fully acceptable was to be found 

Something special was needed, a gift that he might 
Give to all without angering the left or the right 
A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision 
Each group of people, every religion; 
Every ethnicity, every hue 
Everyone, everywhere ... even you 
So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth ... 
"May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth" 

Regards

Ruth