[senco-forum] a Friday funny

Dear All,
    Just because it's Friday...

  Marriage changes passion.  Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
  I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it.  So I said "Implants?" She hit me.
  How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
  A good friend will come and bail you out of jail... but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Wow...that was fun!"
  Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?
  I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
  When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping..." Now I just "chunky dunk."
  Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.
  Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? 
  Why do you have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed in a federal building?
  Wouldn't you know it...  Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.
  I love animals, they taste great.

EARTH FIRST! We'll stripmine the other planets later. 

"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes." 

The gene pool could use a little chlorine. 
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot. 

He who laughs last thinks slowest! 

Give me ambiguity or give me something else. 

A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries. 

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at maths.
  I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac. 

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now. 

I won't rise to the occasion, but I'll slide over to it. 

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy. 

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps. 

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it. 

Where there's a will, I want to be in it. 

Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check? 

Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs. 

We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART? 