[senco-forum] another friday funny

These are from a book called Disorder in the American
Courts, and are things  people actually said in court, word
for word, taken down and now published by court reporters
who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges
were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY:   Are you sexually active?
WITNESS:      No, I just lie there.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY:  What is your date of birth?
WITNESS:     July 18th.
ATTORNEY:  What year?
WITNESS:     Every year.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY:  What gear were you in at the moment of the
impact?
WITNESS:    Gucci sweats and Reeboks
______________________________________

ATTORNEY:     This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your
memory at all?
WITNESS:      Yes.
ATTORNEY:   And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS:      I forget.
ATTORNEY:   You forget? Can you give us an example of
something you forgot?
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY:   How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS:     Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember
which.
ATTORNEY:   How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS:     Forty-five years.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY:  What was the first thing your husband said to you
that morning?
WITNESS:      He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY:    And why did that upset you?
WITNESS:       My name is Susan.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY:   Do you know if your daughter has ever been
involved in voodoo?
WITNESS:     We both do.
ATTORNEY:  Voodoo?
WITNESS:     We do.
ATTORNEY:  You do?
WITNESS:     Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY:  Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies
in his sleep, he doesn't  know about it until the next
morning?
WITNESS:      Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY:  The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how
old is he?
WITNESS:     Uh, he's twenty-one.
________________________________________

ATTORNEY:  Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS:     Would you repeat the question?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY:   So the date of conception (of the baby) was
August 8th?
WITNESS:     Yes.
ATTORNEY:  And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS:     Uh....
______________________________________

ATTORNEY:   She had three children, right?
WITNESS:      Yes.
ATTORNEY:   How many were boys?
WITNESS:      None.
ATTORNEY:   Were there any girls?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY:   How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS:      By death.
ATTORNEY:   And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY:  Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS:     He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY:  Was this a male or a female?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY:   Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to
a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS:      No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY:   Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you
performed on dead people?
WITNESS:      All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY:   ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school
did you go to?
WITNESS:     Oral.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY:   Do you recall the time that you examined the 
body?
WITNESS:     The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY:  And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS:     No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I
was doing an autopsy on him!
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY:   Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS:     Huh?
____________________________________________

And the best for last

ATTORNEY:   Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did
you check for a pulse?
WITNESS:      No.
ATTORNEY:   Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS:      No.
ATTORNEY:   Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS:      No.
ATTORNEY:  So, then it is possible that the patient was
alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS:     No.
ATTORNEY:   How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS:     Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a
jar.
ATTORNEY:  But could the patient have still been alive,
nevertheless?
WITNESS:     Yes, it is possible that he could have been
alive and practicing law. 