[senco-forum] The Buddha

Do you know, this came at a very opportune moment for me. Why is

Thanks for posting this excellent piece of wisdom.

Following on from this I can recall an assertiveness training course I
attended many years ago where during the first session we were shown
how to apologise assertively;

  You only need to apologise once and mean it and be prepared to do
  what is reasonably necessary to put things right.

  ...however the person you are apologising to might be so upset on
  this first occasion they may not hear or take on board your apology,
  in which case you might have to apologise a second time when they
  are likely to be more receptive.

  ...however if you persist in apologising three times or more then
  you are 'grovelling' and unnecessarily demeaning yourself.

  The same goes if they insist you must apologise over and over again,
  or you must take unreasonable steps to put things right. For then
  ownership of the issue reverts back to them; in other words the
  issue you've apologised for is now strictly their problem and no
  longer belongs to you.

I'm not sure if I've quoted this exactly as it was explained to me,
but I'm sure you'll get the gist of this.

David Bowles

> Do you know, this came at a very opportune moment for me. Why is
> it, I often wonder, that the unkind response or comment
> from someone can completely blot out the hundreds of good things
> that people say to you ? It's so silly, the imbalance is
> ridiculous and yet, it hurts us and stays with us. This little
> 'thought from Buddha' is goingon the wall of my office and
> will be useful when I talk with troubled children. Thank you for posting it.
> JaniceJanice Wray Secondary SENCO, Herts

>> From: Mmilesep at aol.com> Date: Fri, 19 Oct 2007 14:44:10 -0400> Subject: Re: [senco-forum] The Buddha> To:
>> senco-forum at lists.becta.org.uk> > > In a message dated 19/10/2007 18:42:22 GMT Daylight Time, > mary.kelly4 at ntlworld.com
>> writes:> > Raising my head above the parapet with fear and trepidation, I offer you> this thought, gleaned from Carol
>> Smart's "SNIP" magazine recently:> > When the Buddha was teaching, he found himself on the receiving end of a> fierce
>> outburst of abuse from an angry bystander.> > The Buddha listened patiently while the stranger vented his rage and then>
>> the Buddha said to the stranger, "If someone gives a gift to another person,> who then chooses to decline it, tell me,
>> who would then own the gift? The> giver or the person who refuses to accept the gift?" "The giver," said the> man.> >
>> "Then it follows, does it not," said the Buddha, "Whenever a person tries to> abuse us, or to unload their anger on us,
>> we can choose to decline or to> accept the abuse; whether to make it ours or not. By our response to the> abuse from
>> another, we can choose who owns and who keeps the bad feelings."> > I think that's quite a powerful thought.> > > > The
>> contributions to the forum seldom fail to surprise, challenge or make me > think and that's why I stay> > Martin> > > > 
>