[Bulk] [senco-forum] Bullying by parents

I(Well said Amanda,)?

Like Tim -- I've been following this thread with interest -- and restraining from intervening whilst the different views ran their course. I agree with everything Tim has said. His is a balanced view as he has seen the issues from a parents viewpoint and that of a professional. He mentions that some organistions suggest that parents be "pushy" -- and I reckon it may be said that, in my voluntary role, the advice I have given in the past would be interpreted in that way. A motto of mine is to advise parents to?"Take Action" sooner rather than later.

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However,?I do not encourage parents to be unconstrutively pushy. And I advise to always treat those that actually teaach and provide for their child with respect and courtesy -- even when feeling frutrated with?the advice being given or with what is being done within the school for the child. I remind parents that these professionals are with their child for almost as long as they are during term time -- and are a vital resource that needs to be fostered and nurtured as much as possible, and that?school staff?face increasing conflicting pressures and often overwork.

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It helps if the professonals are transparent to parents about what is being done for their SEN child, and the reality of the problems that their child has, and what is the level of progress. And whether this is as much as the child can manage -- or whether it coiuld be reasonably enhanced with more provision -- without this?tending to overstrech the childs capabilities. If more resources (specialist teaching ./ therapy / TA?support -- or equipment and materials) would be seen to?be of value -- this should be communicated to the parent unconditionally. The parent can then decide whether to "push" the LEA to provide those neccessary sufficiency of?resources -- and if they don't --?to request a statutory assessment -- action which I would hope?would? (at least tacitly) be?supported by the school staff.

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So, I certainly encourage parents to be "pushy" with LEAs, who have several well known stratgies for delaying the processes that the parents are entitled to request be initiated, in order to achieve a level and type of provsion to which their child is entltled (assertive is a beter term). ?But, even when being assertive with obstructive professionals within the LEA I advise parents to remain courteous -- as dispalys of frustration or emotional temprement can often be translated (at meetings and appeals) as them being "unreasonable parents". I always?suggest that the kind of?approach outlined within this thraead (described as "parental bullying" of school staff") is unproductive and leads nowhere, besides being stressful to the school staff -- who are deserving of unstressfull cooperation with parents (I often talk about school staff as being family people themselves with their own lives and children to care about).?.

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As Tim suggests -- parents who are well informed -- can take effective and prompt action to ensure their child is suficiently provided for. It helps if they are familair with the system (or smilar systems) and are able to express their views clearly and succinctly??-- and to disseminate rationaly the various threads of advice they recieve. But this is not always easy -- even for the most able of parents -- so independent and well informed advice is most helpful. Which is what I try to do -- and schools should welcome tro intervention of the parent supprt organisations -- the various charites are most usually of constructive support to schools and a valuable additional school resource.. 

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But their will always be a very small?element of parents who are cynically abusing the system -- and remain obnoxious to all concerned with their child no matter what. But they are exceedingly rare. I am most often amazed at the tolerence of so many parents -- who have been put off from taking appropriate and reasonable action by poor quality advice, and misleading information from various professionals for many many years -- often throughout the whole primary phase --and only?receive urgent?alrm bells when SATS or secondary phase transfer approaches. 

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The vast majority of parents are only to anxious to show good will and to place their trust in the professionals who care for?and support their child. Most "unreasonable" parents are the product of very many years of being "fobbed off", I'm afraid -- and I have to say most of this "fobbing off" comes from the LEA which is overly budget driven -- and who pressure school staff to "toe the line". This, in my experience, is the major cause of parent-school disputes?-- often stirred up by the actions and policies adopted by the LEA -- and which puts those officers who are the front line people who face schools and parents, also, in a virtualy irreconcilable postion.

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I'm most usually impressed by the tolerance and reasonableness of parents towards school staff -- even where their child is obviously floundering and failing over a prolonged period -- and I'm sure that is the real experience of most who contribute to this forum. I make these points to add balance. But?I do know, that just one very unreasonable individual in the life of hardworking and stressd out school staff, can be the last straw -- and can becomea "running sore" and continuous nightmare. For many staff the individual may not be parents -- it may be a particular pupil or colleague --or a?line manager. The nighmare obstuctionists can come in all forms. But, I'm afraid, this isi the fact of profssional life. SEN teaching is a hard way to earn a living -- but it can have great rewards.

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Best wishes to all of you doing this arduous and vital?vocational work with concientuosness and resiliance.. Brendan King?

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-----Original Message-----

From: Tim Rupp 

To: BJKLtd at aol.com; senco-forum at lists.becta.org.uk

Sent: Sat, Oct 20 7:55 AM

Subject: Re: [Bulk] [senco-forum] Bullying by parents

I've been following this strain with some interest, although I will admit that I haven't read every single email as thoroughly as I should have.?

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I feel extrememly sad that any parent should feel it necessary to be this aggressive with any care professional and I was a little perturbed by what appeared to be an enormously over-sensitive reproach from one poster regarding the term step father. My brief readings of these emails amde me wonder, slightly, who it was that had the problem.?

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Returning to the issue of the relationship between parents of children with SEN and the professionals that we deal with I have to put forward my view as a parent and as an educational professional. I hope that this may go some way to explaining why some parents are becoming more and more assertive about their 'rights' regarding the health and welfare of their children.?

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I do understand that this is mainly based upon personal experience, but I also know that I am not the only parent who had to work hard for over 7 years to get the support that my son deserves as a right. The process that parents go through to get support is extremely taxing and trying. I believe that most of the reason that we did as well as we have is due to the fact that both my wife and I are articulate and intelligent adults with experience in education. I am sure that there are many other parents that are going through the fight for support that are not as knowledgable, articulate, intelligent or experienced as we were when my son was fighting for appropriate support.?

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In the dealings with the education and health care professionals it is normal for the parents to be in that extremely difficult position of knowing everything about their child, but knowing very little about the processes that are in place to 'diagnose' or remediate the various problems that that child may have. This can be very scary for parents and can be threatening.?

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Parents also find themselves as intermediaries between various sources of advice that can be professional and can be social in terms of what others around them think. An extremely nice single parent of a child that we are currently looking at as being on the Autistic Spectrum is having great troubles because her family keep telling her that there is nothing wrong and that she is mollycoddling him.?

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I am not surprised that the numbers of parents that are taking things more into their own hands is increasing. There are times when what we experienced was nothing short of a battle between the system and us. It is unfortunate that the Senco, as the main intermediary between the system and the parents, should be the one who gets the worst brunt of the aggression that is felt toward the system as a whole.?

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Those parents who are better informed now have access to even more advice and information regarding the care of their child and the conditions that they believe their child to have. While I think that getting as much information about the condition a child has is a good idea, this can have a detrimental effect as the advice that they receive is not always the best that it could be and is open to interpretation and misinterpretation. I do know of instances where this kind of advice has lead to parents making unreasonable demands.?

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As parents we have developed more and more of a need to be pushy. We have actualy been advised to be pushy by certain organisations. Experience has shown us that unless we push we will ot get the process moving forward. We have been subject to delays in assessment, to medical professionals not being available for long periods, to people in the system 'losing' information, to missed appointments and to more delays.?

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I know of parents whose experiences have been far worse than my own and, even worse, there have been a number of cases in my own area where the whole chase has turned out to be pointless because children who are clearly deserving of a statement of Special Educational Needs have had their statements turned down due to the fact that they have made progress!?

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I do not think that there is ever a justification for aggression or bullying by anybody.?

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Tim Rupp?

----- Original Message ----- From: BJKLtd at aol.com>?

To: senco-forum at lists.becta.org.uk>?

Sent: Friday, October 19, 2007 3:15 PM?

Subject: Re: [Bulk] [senco-forum] Bullying by parents?

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> I(Well said Amanda,)?

>?

> Ahh but Amanda,?

> I'm sorry to say you're a teacher, teachers/Sencos don't have feelings,?

> we're not human "beings" are we?? If you listen to the responses to many > of?

> the postings you would realise something. Parents can do and say what > they?

> like, they feel they are justified in behaving anyway they want to > because?

> they believe they are dealing with robots. We don't exist outside school.?

> The SEN professional's sole purpose according to some is to not to have > the?

> interests of the children at heart so we can empty the schools of > children?

> with SEN. That way we will keep our jobs and stay in our school's SEN > dept.?

> playing bingo all day.?

> Cheers?

>?

> Sheridan?

>?

>?

>?

> In response to the above:?

>?

> If you accept the post of a Senco - and the management points which go > with?

> it - its your choice.?

>?

> NO parent would choose to have a child with SEN - and if there were no?

> children with SEN you could play Bingo all day - you wouldnt have a job!?

>?

> It is no wonder that you perceive parents to be aggressive - with that > sort?

> of comment its hardly surprising.?

>?

> You have a nice half-term, us parents continue to care for our children > 24/7.?

>?

>?

>?

>?

>?

> ?

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